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The Public "Should-er"

Updated: Jan 24, 2022



Someone at some point will give us their unsolicited advice.

You “should” do this…

How did it make you feel?

Misunderstood? Belittled? Bossed around? Dismissed?

The best way to describe the emotional outcome I have been left with; SHAT ON!


Let’s take a look at the other side of the conversation. If you are the one giving the advice without permission, did you truly help that person as intended?

The answer is no.

When you realized afterwards that the outcome didn’t align with your intent, how did that make you feel?

Guilty? Sorry? Remorseful? …Out of Order?

If the answer is yes, to any of the above, you are ready for a powerful development opportunity.


Say it with me, “The Public Should-er is Out of Order”!


What comes next?

I deeply believe that 98% of people who felt it was their calling to give someone an unsolicited opinion did not do it with the intent of hurting the other. A rational human does not wake up in the morning and think, “who am I going to insult and piss off today?”

Our intention is:

We do this because we care.

We want to help.

We saw the relationship to a similar experience we went through, and we don’t want you to suffer like we did.

… rarely does the intent match the result with a “should” approach.


The “Should-er” is not a bad person. They simply didn’t pause and invest deeper into the relationship before bulldozing to the solution. Our true intent becomes aligned with the desired result when we become aware of the “how” that person in front of you needs to be inspired to take action and solve “seen” problem. In short, this is focusing on “Behaviors vs Beliefs”.


When coaching on this topic within an advisory based industry, I encourage advisors to practice taking the seconds to pause before any reply. The more you are aware, the deeper the relationship - the shorter the sales cycle - the closer to becoming their trusted Advisor.


A few things to consider and practice:

Take the time to communicate with clarity.

Only talk about things you know as true.

State your intentions.

Give things time.

Invite confirmation for clarification. (not validation)

Get really curious.

Be present.

Trash the ego.

Recognize tensions and shift with a Human Benefit in mind.

…and so much more


If you wish to break this down further by acknowledging phrases and essential business development planning that pertains to your target market, book time with me.


In closing, I will share what I have observed and studied over many years with “the best of the best” in business:

They take the time to understand their target market.

They earned trust with language that resonates with their target market.

They master the situation, not the scripts.

They listen. And listen more…

They clearly outline what their engagement terms are.

They continually build their brand with reflection and incremental tweaks.

They apply the same principals to their life and business.

They lead with giving.

They too have their trusted advisors.

They build a diverse team.

They park their ego.

They lead with giving.

They never focus on sales or production.

ROI = return on impact / inspiration / influence.

They understand that the end result is the truth to what came before.

They never give advice until they earned the permission to do so.


No titles. No egos. No boasting. No Should-ing all over.


Cheers to growth, community and awareness.

In Life.

In Business.


Coach Kim



By the way, if you are wondering about the remaining 2%. They will forever be hanging out in the public shoulder-er, talking AT each other, carving slangs in the stalls... and that is their choice ;)

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